Goodbye grief

Bloody September!!! I used to connote this month with blood because its the death anniversary of the man who taught me how to love. 

Hey lovelies, welcome back to the blog. Please tell me what has happened since the last time we were here in the comment section. Don't forget to share 😉

Today's about a topic rarely discussed; what to do after grieving. A lot of people had a lot of advice for me when Fay passed, how to handle the grief, how to move on from your first love, how to live again, how to keep the faith, how to learn to love again. Some advice I did away with, some were golden. A lot of people helped me thus far and I don't take it for granted. However, nobody told me how it'll feel when the grief eventually passes. 

It's been four years since, a lot of turmoil and tears later, dare I say, and I dare say; the grief has passed. Something happens yet, I sometimes feel the need to feel something, I'm in a loop atimes wondering, is it too soon for the grief to have passed? Did I not love him enough to feel his absence forever? If he were the one, would the grief have passed as easily? Truth is, that's mind games there, and ain't no better player at these games than our minds, it'll churn its narrative until you give in. But, you can beat it, yet only in being honest with yourself. Here's how:- 

▪︎ Feel all the feels:  

People shy away from grief, they don't want to be perceived as weak or too emotional so they tuck away that nagging feeling to feel. My darling, people will always have their two-bit perception about you and its perfectly fine but what isn't fine is letting that deter you from feeling. It's not worth the mountain of pain you'll be building up. 

▪︎Righteously keep up with a healthy habit:

There's a tendency to pick up terrible habits here and there when you're grieving, even I am guilty of it but trust me there's a wealth of gain in picking the right habit to run with. You know how food is filling but good food is enthralling, yope that's how a good habit is. I picked up reading guys, it's been the healthiest choice of my life. 

• Gloating in memories:

One of the advice I did away with was to block out all memories of him. In igbo we'd ask inà pu- araa? Which translates to you dey mad? Or for further reference are you mad? I should act like 5 years of my life didn't happen, for your viewing pleasure or what... Anyhooo, I let every memory play, sometimes in reels and I felt every painstaking one until it became what it is- only but a memory, sometimes I laugh at them, sometimes I tell them as a reference, other times I just gloat in them. 

▪︎ Healing:

Yo this word is one of the most abused words ever. Healing isn't as easy as people make it out to be, sure as heaven shouldn't be as hard as we've made it in our society either, but that's a topic for another day sha. Have you heard of a soldier being treated across enemy lines? No, I think not, so why do you think that the best place to heal is in the open, with prying enemy eyes? I found that the best place to heal, is within your comfort zone, in your natural niche, at your own pace, with your own timetable, nothing less. 

▪︎ Moving on:

Look I don't know when you get here, but I can tell you how it feels. It feels like when you wake up and you're longer questioning why. It feels like knowing that regardless of what happened God is good. It feels like hearing their names and not having palpitations and not breaking into tears (not pretending not to oh). It feels like just relishing in the thought of them and smiling. It feels like not feeling guilty for living, or being happy, or trying out new ideas.  Now the truth is when you get here, you might feel a little lost because the pain you once carried will leave a void, ideas like these might creep in - you haven't grieved enough, what if calamity befalls you again, why do you think you deserve to be happy, and the list can go on. Dear reader, move on regardless, I can't tell you what's on the other side of the questions, I want you come take a look yourself, I can give you a tip though, it's worth it. 

When you get to move on eventually, never question your ability to. One of the living things characteristics is adaptation, this means you've adapted to the inevitable change in your life and as such you can now live without. My darling, do well to live. 

Someone once said, "you know a lot about self torture". I guess this is why I decided to share about overcoming grief, I liken it to self torture.