Undone and beaming

 Let me tell you about building castles in the sky, you often fall to your misery from up there. Hey guys welcome back to my blog.

So I've been busy building my skyscrapers in the sky and not with any solid foundations even (hope is a dangerous thing you know) but even so I know how to be a rugged faither I don't know if you make up words like I do, but faither best describes it. I'm going to teach how to come out undone and yet beaming.

So amidst the many things I pray for, I pray for a job that pays me really well, needless to say that my prayer is backed up with a lot of application letters, I've heard, they say, faith without work is dead, therefore, I update my CV as should suit an application and try really hard to give a befitting application letter and mail it. Well, I'm still jobless, lets get that out there, and no its not because my CV hasn't been ranked by resume.worded and the likes as well above 70, nor because I haven't had calls for interviews which seemed to have gone really well, but because somewhere and somehow I'm here writing this, "jobless". 

Now that is the height of coming out undone, I mean I've had long conversations with myself as to why I'm not an incompetent being, I've also had several dalliances with ineptitude severed by sermons and all, so know that yes it does bother me. I've gotten rejection mails as early morning motivations (you know I mean the direct opposite right?). I've gotten them as the end of the day's grace (again sarcasm) and yes I've gotten them as the midday mails I dreaded (finally the truth) but in all things I've come out and chosen to lead the day like everything was okay. This part is hard.

If anyone had told me that almost two years after service I'd still be unemployed I wouldn't have yelled God forbid, I'd have just laughed them off, I thought I had the connections so I was unperturbed about those kinda things, well look at me now. Anyhoo, I'm not here for the sappy stuff, we're here for the coming out undone and still beaming part. I know that there's no bigger critic of a person than self, I've bowed my head so many times and cried at the things that I, myself has thought about myself (no cap), nobody said them to me, I just said them to myself and I felt awful. Now it is very normal, might I add that it is indeed human nature to do so, just as one small text can make you really excited, one also has the ability to ruin your day or week. Now this is the interesting part, brother,sister, aunty, uncle, you can create a buffer for your beautiful soul. Look awaiting mails sometimes is like waiting for the Lord's coming, some people are as bad as not even getting back to you, I know how disheartening it can be, I've been there (its worse off when you're in a recruitment group and others start posting that they've received their congratulatory mails and you're there feeling like the very scum of the earth and it takes all your self restraint not to exit the group or shove their congratulatory excitement in the place where the sun don't shine) like I said I've been there and if you keep going down that route, depression and despair await you.

Now a soul buffer is something you do during the wait. I'm running a post graduate program during this wait and every time I get ghosted or sent rejection mails or get offers less than par, I remind myself that I have something a do so if I want to cry I better hurry up with the sappy feeling and go and read book. I have a friend who's buffer was sewing, she has a job right now but guess what skill acquired, we move. A soul buffer is anything you can bring yourself to do to busy you while you wait, it has to be something that keeps that daunting feeling of failure at bay. Oh my love get certified in any online course that you can add to your résumé its fine. Start that catering business at least you'd be earning its fine, use your car for taxify, you're doing fine, meet with someone to mentor you in the field you want to succeed at it perfectly okay. In all things, stop idling during the wait because when the no's come and trust me they flood in sometimes, you'd have something to fall back on. So you'd come out undone and yet beaming. 

A little addition, yes oh there are people who ask this very insensitive question what are you doing? Don't be arrogant or feel small my darlings reply ardently, adamantly, and with high spirits job hunting and achieving whilst at it. If they further the question perplexed and interested you can tell them what you're into during this buffering process. I just got my midday dreaded mail mbok I'm going to read book, exam starts soon.