Phobia

 Hi loves, its Sunday I hope you went to church, if no, doxology lol. Today I'm here to talk about fears, what deep dark worries keep you awake most nights? I'll share a few and give you a tip or two that I've used to have sound sleep this year.

Everyone has the normal phobias, fear of heights, pistanthrophobia, athazagoraphobia, arachnophobia and the rest of them, basic phobias I call them, for me, these are superficial and can rarely keep you awake except the spider is on your bed sha. Now that we know that such phobias are basic, lets delve into today's post shall we.

  My biggest fear is of failure really, I hate that awkward moment when I'm there fully clad with nothing to offer, God forbid bad thing. But the biggest way to trample over failure is to prepare isn't it? Fully equip yourself and hit the ground rolling, or is that how its said? However there's a word that churns around in the human vocabulary - a word called "hard", sometimes called "difficult" or when one has the ultimate defense mechanism it is called "impossible". This year I cast out those words from your vocabulary in Jesus name, shout Amen somebody. There's no such thing as hard, maybe there is, but look at it as new, a new level in a game that's challenging but something that you can conquer with a little more effort. 

  Now one fear brings room for company, with the fear of failure comes the feeling of ineptitude which brings along its first cousin fear of the unknown, who comes with its twin anxiety. While one fear brings a lot of company, dealing with one fear doesn't necessarily deal with its companions. Being fully equipped for something might not naturally deal with feelings of anxiety or the fear of the unknown it rather elevates one of the companions. Now that in itself is scary.

  My good friend Yvonne says - to deal with an array of emotions face them with affirmations, honey the statement 'if them no hail you, hail yourself' couldn't be more true. I have a mantra, I use it oft these days because I've dealt with a lot of self backlash and criticisms, I've had the person I was most emotionally dependent on make me feel valued less and so I've beaten myself to a pulp, but one thing that revives me time and again is this very simple mantra:-

  "I am enough, I am beautifully sutured, articulately and meticulously made, I can do anything I put my mind to and excel, I am more than enough".

Fact is, the eyes see, so I do it where I can see my reflection (a mirror, selfie camera, windows, etc), the ears hear, and the mind believes. So I see myself, I tell myself and my mind believes, that's how you handle those daunting companions.

  Another fear I have and I know most people do too, is the fear of the future. It is quite similar to the fear of failure and of the unknown because if you fail now, tomorrow no go too sure, and if tomorrow no too sure, anything fit happen. The songwriter says - "no one knows tomorrow". Its a given. Why really do we fear what no one knows? I don't think its a fear really, I think we're intrigued and one thing that comes with intrigue is what if? While I'm yet to find a perfect way to go about that doling question "what if", I've come up with a technique so to say... When the "what if" comes up, I pinch myself and I'm awed by the possibility that it can go in a positive light too.

  The fear of being lonely, my darlings I love my company, I feel like I never do wrong in the company of self, I'm not letting anyone down,I don't have to act a certain way, fact is I don't have to be prim and proper when I'm alone and if you think that I'm ever not prim and proper that's your business (eyes rolled). Now being alone is often mistaken for being lonely, let me educate you, there's a huge difference. While one speaks of exclusivity, serenity and solitude the other oozes of desperation and utter sadness. The latter is what I fear. I have an ambiverted nature, I tend towards the introvert in me more than the extrovert and when push comes to shove I retire to the little corridor in my head where I can stay for long spans of time. My fear of being lonely is as a result of how comfortable I can be in that corridor, most times when I come back down, life has happened, people have carried on and I feel lost, I'm almost tempted to return from whenceth I came, but the need for human relation is one which try as we may we cannot do without. I fear that one day, the world will carry on and I'd have become irrelevant to even the few people I once meant everything to. I don't know if anyone else can relate but, this sends chills down my spine. I've learned however, to tell the people around me how much they mean to me as often as I remember, I say I love you until the people I say it to think it lacks meaning but it never does, I say thank you with deep appreciation, I say goodbyes with long almost unending hugs and when I kiss I shut my eyes and feel every last breath. That way I'm sure that even when I retire to my corridor, someone remembers, whoever, whenever and however. 

   There are a lot of things I'm scared of, if I continued it'll just be the lengthiest read ever, and I won't bore you any further. I will however tell you that even the most macho people have a few fears they deal with, darling we all do, but people deal differently, some head on, some by avoiding it, others by sharing it and so on. 

  Fears don't have to be a bad thing too, they can be motivators to do greater things, achieve "impossible" feats and be better people, have a lovely week ahead, you can tell me about your fears too and how you handle them in the comment section.