Boomerang

 "I honestly don't know how it happened. It was all so fast. I asked who's there? I waited a few seconds for a response, there wasn't any, I'm long-sighted, I panicked when he appeared right in front of me, and I pulled the trigger".  This statement would make or mar me, because at the end of the day, a man died. Not just any man, my fiance who had broken off our nine year engagement a few nights ago. It was loud, there were witnesses and I swore if we ever crossed paths again, I would kill him. I am not an attorney, but I had seen similar cases like this when George brought them home, the verdict was almost always guilty. 

"People will readily forget things, friends will become distant, family will doubt you, your story will become incoherent - sutured to fit the demeanor of the listener while you make your case of innocence but every small detail that changes in your statement will be ripped apart and made a lie by opposing counsel". This was George's opening statement to her, Dorothy. Her's was the only case like mine, that was won in court in the past decade and there were many like mine.  The difference between her's and the others when I asked George at the time, was, she kept her statement short, memorable and didn't speak without her lawyer. This was the only thought I had going forward, thus my statement and silence. 

After I was granted bail, I saw the headlines, some pictures I didn't even know existed were all over the media but it was my neighbours that did the most. They muttered when I came out. They hissed in rebellion of my presence. Even Mama Suanu that told me George was wasting my time and I should leave him, she too demeaned me. They so readily forgot the complains most of them had about him, I guess the saying don't speak ill about the dead is literal, because the one time villain they claimed I sheltered, had now become saint. 

My lawyer had many cards he wanted to play. My least favorite was the insanity card, so we decided that it will not be put to play. He asked who could speak up for me... it was then that we realised we had our case cut out for us. For nine years, George and I only had mutual friends, none of them mine exactly, they were his friends that had by extension become mine. None of them would be loyal to me, after all they'd thought and atimes said out loud I was lucky to have such a man. I heard Ruth was going to be one of the opposing counsel's key witnesses. She had always been highly opinionated and gaudy about it. It was at my 30th birthday five years ago that she said, " Tanwa you're lucky, men in this economy are not looking for idle women, they go for ambitious and industrious women so that they know their children and family are secure. But look at you, four years now and George still stays with you." My stifled smile was what made her say, foolishly, that she might have had too much to drink. Ruth was supposedly the closest one of our friends to me. 

In the events preceding George's death, I had noticed a growing paranoia within me. I bought a gun. I knew all the streets and number of houses where those bandits had visited. I kept thinking it would be our turn tomorrow, and though it did not happen, I was becoming an insomniac and according to George, insufferable. It was on one of some such days that we went to Chris' house. It was his 10th wedding anniversary. He'd been married just a year longer than George and I were engaged. I hated him. He called me Lord of the rings and thought it a pet name. George dragged me there. I hated every second of the drive there, I bickered non stop. George's car had conveniently refused to start that evening so he asked to use mine, he even pacified me by saying he'd let me drive. I didn't want to go, but it meant a lot to him if he'd let me drive so I decided to go. As I bickered and we bantered during our drive there, I ran a red light that infuriated George, he said if I didn't have regard for my life, I should take into account that he was his mother's only son. Of course it was something he often reminded me of, because I was orphaned, and an only child but that day it hit different. I drank to stupor and then we had a fight at Chris' house. It was there that I said in front of his friends, because I cannot truly call them mine, that, "I loathed him for making me Lord of the rings, and for keeping me in company of liars and cheaters alike." It was at that party that I slapped Ruth because I knew she was in love with George and was only close to me as a means to be near him. It was at that party that I met Eli, and I'm thankful that he left earlier than I burst into outrage. 

Eli was a doctor, he was only there with his sister's fiance whom I did not recognise as George's friend or acquaintance. When George left to mingle with friends, so did his shadow Ruth, she was after all, only ever close to me grining when George was there. Her fakeness suffocated me. Eli was different, he was real and refreshing and I heard myself make a noise that seemed strange to me when I was around him. That strange sound was the sound of my laughter, it had been so long since I laughed. He gave me his card and I held on firmly. It was a few weeks till I had the pleasure of meeting him again. I was pregnant and we met by chance at the supermarket. I was ashamed, my tummy had not yet began to protrude but he knew. He said I looked too skinny and should make an appointment with him. I did. I was giddy, he held me steady and offered to drive me home, but I knew George, so I kindly declined. 

Yes I'm guilty, I cheated, it is in fact the reason for our separation. My outburst was not because he was leaving, no, I was glad that he was. He had been a nightmare, a toxic relationship that had taken the better part of my life so far, I was glad it was over but he dared to try to tarnish what Eli and I had. It was then that I threatened, he was subtle in remarks, the art of gaslighting me was his game. I was the mad person that was always screaming. He always had me on edge, I was the one who always had feats publicly and he seemed like the sensible one. Before that accursed night, I had yet another miscarriage, it was our sixth one. I was glad, it was the only thing that might have kept me with him, although Eli was willing to accept me and my baby. In the pain, in my groaning and agony, George was set on keeping me. I think he knew that his spell on me had broken, so that day he was determined to, in his words, "give me another child". He was coarse, brutal even. I struggled as much as I could and soon after I gave in. I was stiff, I hated him. To appease me, he invited his friends over for a barbecue the following day, he grilled and cleaned. He said all I had to do was look pretty. I pulled out that olive gown that he hated so much, I put on a lavish amount of makeup all to spite him and indeed it did. But he never broke character, I even went the extra mile of inviting Eli, but instead of breaking character, he trolled me, of course not openly but well enough to make sure I knew, and the lot of his friends could feign oblivion. I would not have it. He teased about my lipstick looking like that of a hooker and of course, Ruth laughed. I was kind enough to tell her she had smeared lipstick on her face, but that it also looked like it might be her blush dripping as the rest of her makeup that had parted on her face, she looked at me vilely but it was all she could do. He said I looked like a straw in plantain leaves, he'd tried to fatten me and yet somehow he was managing to fail. Again an uproar of laughter by his laudy gang. I reminded him that I was much more chunky than this, it was his spawns and loosing them that caused me writhing and weight loss, a joke too dark for his lot they didn't laugh, but I did, in hysteria. He beckoned them inside and Eli and I remained outside, I was ashamed to have him see me so petty, but he laughed and called me a strong woman. I didn't know why that felt so good and it was there, right outside there, that I realised how beautiful he was. I was the luckiest woman to have caught the attention of such a stud. 

We had many  intimate sessions afterward, I finally opened up about that accursed night. I didn't dare call it rape, but he named it what it was. It was after one of these many sessions that I kissed him. Just outside his office, he looked bemused and I kissed him again, then he held my hand and we ran like teenagers to my car and there he kissed me passionately, I had forgotten what that felt like. We were only stopped by that haunting feeling that someone was watching us. Indeed someone was, it was that lily-livered Christopher, watching doe-eyed like I had killed someone. I paid him no heed, as Eli got down, for the first time he seemed the one embarrassed, but I had long lost shame before George. This was the real reason for the fight. George got home late and more temperamental than usual, I expected it. I was ready. Yet he didn't yell. He called me a slut in the lowest tone possible, dirty slut, he said again. I didn't give him the joy of an answer. Then he pinned me to the wall and wanted to rape me again. I pointed my gun at him and mama Suanu entered abruptly. He immediately left me and asked her to leave, I nodded in agreement and she left. He was surprised, I had never fought him off with so much anger. He told me I will rue the day I met Eli, that I was undeserving of love, that Eli is going to use me, give me a ring to tame me, and when he grows tired of me, he'll be there waiting for me to grovel and even then, worthless as I would be, he'll be charitable with me. I began to yell, nothing got to him until I called his mother a slut who never knew his father, it was true, I hit below the belt but, it was true. He surged at me, I cocked the trigger and yelled I will kill you. He saw how heated it had become, and for the first time ever, there was a rage overcome him. He said, "it is over, you're insolent and I'm done with this charade." He still seemed too close to me so I yelled, he picked up a few things and as he left I yelled, "if you ever return here, it'll be the death of you".  

That was the last time I saw George alive, the person I shot, in all honesty, was an assailant to me. I'm long-sighted, I need my glasses to see. I had slept off on the couch downstairs, and I didn't have my glasses on. The space between my living room and the door, doesn't qualify as long enough for my sight of view. Someone was fiddling with my door. I asked who's there? I waited a few seconds for a response, there wasn't any, I'm long-sighted, I panicked when he appeared right in front of me and I pulled the trigger". My gun hasn't been far from me since the incident with George. Moreso there was another robbery in the neighbourhood that night when George left. They raped their victim. I didn't want either - to be a victim or be raped. So I shot first to ask questions afterward. I had no prior training on the usage of guns, so I was no professional either. I just knew if I could incapacitate one, it'll scare the others or alert the neighbours. I genuinely was scared for my life and safety. I didn't expect it to be George. 

"There are loopholes", he said. You've given enough reasons why you want George dead. The opposing counsel will have a filled day churning everything you say into plausible cause. Why would you want George to live if you could bring him back? I almost walked out on the man, I wasn't paying him for therapy sessions. I wasn't paying him to help me absolve my soul either. I was paying him to be my lawyer, and that question wasn't something George would ask his client. I was infuriated. Bar Okpara looked unwavering by my outbursts, he rather insisted that I answer the question. I knew I needed him more than he did me, so I kept calm and tried to think up a suitable answer. He stopped me. "If it takes you this long to give me an answer, it means you wanted him dead and though you claim it is by accident, I put it to you that it was cowardice that didn't let you do it before, and when an opportunity availed itself you did it". I was about to protest when he said, "that's what the opposing counsel will say to you, and then you will have an outburst further butressing her point". I heard him, I knew the gravity of what was said, but it was the "her" in his statement that caught me. I knew now who I'd meet in court and it irked me. 

"Yolanda is a bulldozer, we've gone head to head eleven times and it was always a challenge. She's won five times, we had one out of court settlement and I won the other five times. I love her". I wasn't amused by the statement but I loved how excited he got speaking about their encounter. George was one of the most prestigious lawyers in the state, he had a record of never loosing, yet, there was this woman who he loved to loose to. "If ever I find that I have a case and I can't defend myself for whatever reason, Yolanda's handling it. I trust her with my life". Yolanda was one woman who's shadow I lived behind. I couldn't say for certain, but it felt as though he and her had something. What that something was, I could never live up to, and after a while I didn't bother. It had to be her, it had to be Yolanda. She would be my prosecutor. 

The hearing was very unpredictable, however, I finally met her, and I felt a bit of comfort knowing that my lawyer wasn't just an old fox but he could indeed hold his own.  We had the witness list and I could already tell him what to expect from each witness. Ruth was of course the first witness,Chris made the list too, and of course Christopher would tell the tale of my infidelity. It wasn't something I looked forward to, these people holding in their hands the key to my freedom, but, it wasn't something I would back away from either. I was going to not only demand it but collect it from them. Bar. Okpara looked confident in his suit and I was dressed in everything George would have hated - high waist white pants and a matching blazers, a red camisole matching my red lipstick and of course that really long weavon I had, had in a box because it was too vain for him. I looked like a mogul and I loved it.

Ruth's testimony hacked through me, she used words like gold digger, lazy, unambitious and ungrateful. I was neither of those things but who would remember? I had a dream when I met George, it wasn't a job but it would fetch me something in the long-run, he seemed to appreciate it, but I needed funding and his money was his, he didn't seem to ever have enough to fund it, so a dream it remained until it one day died. Several applications later, I quit searching for a job as well, I took on a full-time job of house cleaning and tending to George, every meal was fresh, the house had to look and smell a certain way. Every quarter we had to reshuffle the furniture to look different. I worked full-time for George. Unambituous stuck, in fact it was the word that kept replaying in my head throughout Bar Okpara's cross, but when he sat down he looked confident like he dealt a deathly blow, and when she walked to her seat, she didn't seem as brazen as she had been up on the witness dock. The day was over almost as quickly as it begun, the case was adjourned. As we walked out of the courthouse I watched her gait, she wasn't the woman I'd picture George with, he thought too many things I fancied vain but everything she had on, everything she looked like would be vain too. This was the thought that clouded my mind for a while, until Bar Okpara said he would like to put me on the stand when the time was right. Had he forgotten that I still did not have an answer for a reason why I would want George alive? I said nothing, I was supposed to be learning how to not have outbursts every now and again. 

Chris' testimony was unending, he started from the first day we met. I had been standing on the road waiting for George for two hours, this part he conveniently forgot to add. He and George arrived to pick me up and I was infuriated, I had missed an appointment,  I had every right to be cross and George very unperturbed was introducing me to a short, unattractive man, who looked more in love with George than I could ever be. Chris worshipped George. George had on many occasions called him his bitch at home. The man lived to please George. George said he was loyal to a fault, if Chris only knew that he had no hand in his appointment. "It was sheer luck, the old fool had the right credentials and was picked for the appointment, I was just a member of the committee with no real bargaining power. He just assumed it was of my making, who am I to deny that God used me to bless him?" George said, when I asked about the man who he brought with him to pick me up that day. But here he was testifying of the good George had done for him and the evil I had done to George, I didn't notice myself smile when he spoke about my ill manners at the barbecue, it was Bar Okpara's nudge that brought me back to the court. I was relishing my short victories against them. Then he said it, "she said, I loathe you for making me Lord of the rings". Of course he forgot to add that it was a name he coined for me, or the part where I called them liars and cheaters because he was celebrating his 10th anniversary but he had two children with two women outside, both almost as old as his marriage. It was convenient to leave out details, to colour me black and paint George with a halo. I kept my calm, I stirred deathly at him. Bar Okpara's cross didn't satisfy me, I felt he let the oaf go too quickly but again we had come to the end of another court session. 

It was Christopher's testimony that I looked forward to the most. I wanted to hear how he'd describe Eli and I, would he call us lovers? Would he dare call me a whore? I was intrigued by the thought. I sat down grining when he described the kiss, she saw it. Yolanda saw it, she pointed it out. "Your honor this seems to amuse Miss Ogedegbe". It was the only time in three long court sessions that she had acknowledged my presence, I think, she hoped, that Christopher's testimony would rattle me. He spoke the truth, so it didn't. He wasn't even condescending so if I could, I would applaud him. I finally knew what her plan was, it was to make the villain out of me, to humiliate me and then take away my freedom for good. I was already the villain but no woman born of another woman would humiliate me, as for my freedom, she could try but I trusted Bar Okpara. Bar Okpara said he had no further questions for Christopher much to their surprise and he left the stand, but a surprise witness was announced. It was mama Suanu. I was shocked but Bar Okpara seemed unwavering. Mama Suanu kept her eyes away from me, like someone bearing guilt. I did not take my eyes off her. She spoke about the night she walked in on me holding a gun to George's face. The gun was nowhere near his face but that was her own recollection of events so it was fine, especially to suit their narrative which had been that I was aggressive, troublesome, and a murderer waiting for the right time. She also remembered how I had screamed "if you ever return I will kill you". Her recollection of events wasn't lacking so much, but all that it lacked Bar Okpara requested and she added in his cross. His first question was, "when you walked in what did you see?" She saw George on me, he was trying to rape me again. I brought out the gun and he got off me, it was then that she squealed and he asked her to leave, she looked at me and I nodded in agreement. He asked her again "what happened next?" I kept pointing the gun at him, of course she could not see that, but she could hear me tell him that I wasn't a whore, that it was his mother who didn't know who his father was that was the whore, and she also heard me say that I would kill him if he returned. But she did something there, she added something, something to my advantage, it was only then that she looked in my direction and I looked away. I didn't ask her to lie for me, I didn't even know she'd be a witness, she lied to pacify her own conscience, it had nothing to do with me. But it helped my case, at least that's what Bar Okpara said, we ended the cross very valiantly, and looked forward to the final hearing. 

"We have the key witness in this case, the only witness whose testimony matters", he said. He was talking about me, I knew it but he said it just in case. Bar Okpara knew that I still didn't have the answer to that question, but he was going to let me get on the stand. It was my case, my life on trial and he wanted me to have a say. What happened that night the 15th of April 2021. I took in a deep breath and then  I began... I got home from Eli's house a little late, I went up and had a shower. Came down to make sure the door was locked and heard the announcement that there was yet another robbery incident. This time they robbed and raped the ladies in the compound. I decided to warm something to eat and I fell asleep on the couch. I was still asleep when I heard someone fiddling with the door, I got up, picked my gun which was by my arm rest and I began to make my way towards the door. It was pitch dark as they had taken the light. I asked who's there? There was no response, the second time, he appeared right in front of me, I panicked and I pulled the trigger. No, no, no! He exclaimed. He seemed so upset that I was telling the truth, or was it in my manner? Bar Okpara wasn't going to let me destroy all he'd worked for with my testimony. But I was tired. I was tired of being on trial when George was now resting in peace, I was tired of living in fear of not only the bandits but also my neighbours. I was tired of fighting to live in peace. Why is Eli in your statement? Do you want to further insinuate that you have no remorse for what you've done by bringing in your lover? Do you want them to have strengthened motive? Instead of giving details of your whereabouts, give the reason why your gun is by your armrest. Again, and this time do away with the theatrics, breathe in and out before you get on the stand, but when you're there, don't act nonchalant. 

My testimony did matter,  I kept looking at Yolanda while I answered every question but she didn't as much as give me a passing glance, she kept doodling on her sheets and occasionally she wrote something down. Eli was in court for this session, his presence inspired me to want to carry on. Her cross was supposed to be brutal, I expected her to want to treat me as a hostile witness, but she was a lot like George, subtlety was their forte. She almost had me undone too, but Bar Okpara had prepared me for the most part and George readied me for his kind.