Loving Correctly

Hi again, its been a while since I wrote anything really, but we're grateful for a new year. Happy new year loves. I'm single again, I've been in an out of one relationship for a year plus now, and every time we got back, it felt more detached. So I may not be the one to tell you how to love correctly, but I think I have bragging rights on telling you how I wanted to be loved, and I'm certain a lot of people would love to be loved that same way.   

Tip 1: Never be indifferent to your differences - remember that as similar as the fingerprints of your fingers on one hand are, only one can unlock your phone. Most people say we're a lot alike, so they tend to overlook those little differences, honey, pay attention to details. In those minute differences there's either a making or marring. For me, I love jovial people but, a joke too far can have dire consequences.

 Tip 2: Never get too comfortable - I mean a relationship between two people shouldn't be one to keep you on an edge, yes, but darling when you get too comfortable on a particular couch it begins to sink. You begin to take what you might consider little things for granted and prioritize something else over your relationship, this is because you have an all too comfortable feeling that the other person will understand with little or no explanations. 

 Tip 3: There's nothing like over communication - talk, retalk, over talk and then repeat pattern. Lack of communication leads to assumptions and presumptions. Plus darling, later is never a better time to talk, whatever can be said later should please be said now or like the pastor said forever hold your piece. Now I'm not saying you shouldn't be time sensitive or sensitive to your partner's schedule before you talk, I'm just saying that "you won't understand", or "let's do this at a later time", or "nothing", and the likes should be very far from your vocabulary because one can only understand when there's talking. Learn your partners communication style, it could be nonverbal which would involve facial expressions and moods or auditory which involves a lot of talking and listening. Either way be very deliberate about communication.

 Tip 4: Never project your expectations on your partner - we're humans with very different expectations for ourselves and no matter how intimate you think you are with a person you never know their personal struggles. As much as you think you're being supportive, or encouraging there's always room for misconception. Be sensitive with people knowing that as much as you have ordeals that you deal with so do they.

 Tip 5: Whilst you know love languages, you should also know apology languages - you can't be with a person for long without issues arising, I mean you're not Jesus Christ and even as saintly as He was, He still seemed to have a rough time with the Pharisees, duh. As you learn your partner's love languages, learn their apology languages, never be nonchalant about being sorry. "I'm sorry" - these two words are the most abused words in the human vocab. Learn to be sorry and prove it by changing, do not neglect what made you sorry in the first place, make CONSCIOUS efforts to change that habit or trait that brought the need for an apology.

 Tip 6: The present is part of the future - we often plan for a future as if we have any clues, while neglecting the present. Whatever you think you can change later, best believe me when I say its best you change it now. While building your castles in cloud 9, be conscious of the ground space. "I will", "we will", lol most of the time I won't and we won't. Instead of willing, just do it. Take that trip, make that reservation, send that text, make that call, just do it. Do it now because you have no control over the future only control of now. 

 Tip 7: Love is never enough - I mean I loved uncle so much so that I was certain that even if he had a contagiously terminal ailment I would stay with him regardless. Yes I love to a fault, and for what its worth that won't change. But the fact is, people love each other and get a divorce, people love each other and hurt each other, please don't give me that sermon bout love not being able to hurt, you know deep down its bull. With all the love we had for each other, there was also a lot more that we needed to stay together. 

 There's compatibility, I mean you can love a person and hate their character, or love a person and hate their habit (personal hygiene, nonchalance towards change, their ethics, etc) you can love a person and still feel an emptiness in loving them. 

 Again there's understanding - people tend to think that love covers much, it does, but you have to be patient with people and if that isn't an innate talent of yours, love will burn you. Some people tend to think that being vulnerable with their partners is a show/sign of weakness so when they're going through stuff they tend to retreat into a shell or create a wall they don't even know they've put up, if you're impatient and there's the case of lack of or miscommunication then the assumptions and presumptions come in and trust me no matter how much you love a person you'll break. 

 There's expectations - while I'm of the opinion that we're not entitled to anything before marriage, I expect a few things and I'm sure y'all do too, if all your boxes aren't checked, love can only carry you so far.

 

Respect is an overlooked factor as well, I mean we teach women to respect men and the younger ones to respect the older ones but like my dad always says respect is reciprocal. Respect each other's choices, decisions and style, regardless of trends and personal opinions. Remember that even if you're from the same village or you're neighbors that there's a difference in upbringing and that also plays a role in shaping a person and instilling traits that make up a person. Respect them. 

 Something to take away, every relationship differs, never compare one to another. If you're in a relationship remember that as you have a checklist your partner does as well, if you keep looking you just might find someone who ticks all the boxes on your checklist 

but will you tick what's on theirs?