Loving Correctly
Hi again, its been a while since I wrote anything really, but we're grateful for
a new year. Happy new year loves. I'm single again, I've been in an out of one
relationship for a year plus now, and every time we got back, it felt more
detached. So I may not be the one to tell you how to love correctly, but I think
I have bragging rights on telling you how I wanted to be loved, and I'm certain
a lot of people would love to be loved that same way.
Tip 1:
Never be
indifferent to your differences - remember that as similar as the fingerprints
of your fingers on one hand are, only one can unlock your phone. Most people say
we're a lot alike, so they tend to overlook those little differences, honey, pay
attention to details. In those minute differences there's either a making or
marring. For me, I love jovial people but, a joke too far can have dire
consequences.
Tip 2:
Never get too comfortable - I mean a relationship between
two people shouldn't be one to keep you on an edge, yes, but darling when you
get too comfortable on a particular couch it begins to sink. You begin to take
what you might consider little things for granted and prioritize something else
over your relationship, this is because you have an all too comfortable feeling
that the other person will understand with little or no explanations.
Tip 3:
There's nothing like over communication - talk, retalk, over talk and then
repeat pattern. Lack of communication leads to assumptions and presumptions.
Plus darling, later is never a better time to talk, whatever can be said later
should please be said now or like the pastor said forever hold your piece. Now
I'm not saying you shouldn't be time sensitive or sensitive to your partner's
schedule before you talk, I'm just saying that "you won't understand", or "let's
do this at a later time", or "nothing", and the likes should be very far from
your vocabulary because one can only understand when there's talking. Learn your
partners communication style, it could be nonverbal which would involve facial
expressions and moods or auditory which involves a lot of talking and listening.
Either way be very deliberate about communication.
Tip 4: Never project your
expectations on your partner - we're humans with very different expectations for
ourselves and no matter how intimate you think you are with a person you never
know their personal struggles. As much as you think you're being supportive, or
encouraging there's always room for misconception. Be sensitive with people
knowing that as much as you have ordeals that you deal with so do they.
Tip 5:
Whilst you know love languages, you should also know apology languages - you
can't be with a person for long without issues arising, I mean you're not Jesus
Christ and even as saintly as He was, He still seemed to have a rough time with
the Pharisees, duh. As you learn your partner's love languages, learn their
apology languages, never be nonchalant about being sorry. "I'm sorry" - these
two words are the most abused words in the human vocab. Learn to be sorry and
prove it by changing, do not neglect what made you sorry in the first place,
make CONSCIOUS efforts to change that habit or trait that brought the need for
an apology.
Tip 6:
The present is part of the future - we often plan for a
future as if we have any clues, while neglecting the present. Whatever you think
you can change later, best believe me when I say its best you change it now.
While building your castles in cloud 9, be conscious of the ground space. "I
will", "we will", lol most of the time I won't and we won't. Instead of willing,
just do it. Take that trip, make that reservation, send that text, make that
call, just do it. Do it now because you have no control over the future only
control of now.
Tip 7: Love is never enough - I mean I loved uncle so much so
that I was certain that even if he had a contagiously terminal ailment I would
stay with him regardless. Yes I love to a fault, and for what its worth that
won't change. But the fact is, people love each other and get a divorce, people
love each other and hurt each other, please don't give me that sermon bout love
not being able to hurt, you know deep down its bull. With all the love we had
for each other, there was also a lot more that we needed to stay together.
There's compatibility, I mean you can love a person and hate their character, or
love a person and hate their habit (personal hygiene, nonchalance towards
change, their ethics, etc) you can love a person and still feel an emptiness in
loving them.
Again there's understanding - people tend to think that love covers
much, it does, but you have to be patient with people and if that isn't an
innate talent of yours, love will burn you. Some people tend to think that being
vulnerable with their partners is a show/sign of weakness so when they're going
through stuff they tend to retreat into a shell or create a wall they don't even
know they've put up, if you're impatient and there's the case of lack of or
miscommunication then the assumptions and presumptions come in and trust me no
matter how much you love a person you'll break.
There's expectations - while I'm
of the opinion that we're not entitled to anything before marriage, I expect a
few things and I'm sure y'all do too, if all your boxes aren't checked, love can
only carry you so far.
Respect is an overlooked factor as well, I mean we teach
women to respect men and the younger ones to respect the older ones but like my
dad always says respect is reciprocal. Respect each other's choices, decisions
and style, regardless of trends and personal opinions. Remember that even if
you're from the same village or you're neighbors that there's a difference in
upbringing and that also plays a role in shaping a person and instilling traits
that make up a person. Respect them.
Something to take away, every relationship
differs, never compare one to another. If you're in a relationship remember that
as you have a checklist your partner does as well, if you keep looking you just
might find someone who ticks all the boxes on your checklist
but will you tick
what's on theirs?
Nice write up...keep pushing girlll..i gat you
ReplyDeleteProfound. I hope we understand that, while love should be easy, it should also be intentional.
ReplyDeleteI love you, D. Thank you for sharing.
Bravo!, what an exceptional piece, i've learnt a whole lot from this write-up, cheers! dearie
ReplyDeleteGreat read.
ReplyDeleteRight, right, right.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to be the authority on loving myself correctly before loving anyone else this time. And I think this applies to me too
Good write up. Very factual. Welldone.
ReplyDeleteThis is quite timely. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete